THE BEST TEKKEN 4 FIC EVAR!
by Saiyan Rage
Summary: The G-Corporation incident! Xiaoyu receives e-mail! So stop on by and read what goes down in the second part of this "epic"!
1. Prologue

Ladies and gents, I give you my latest Tekken comedic endeavour. Hopefully it will help motivate me to continue my acclaimed "Tekken Committee", but...we shall see. Before you read this fic, be sure you read the disclaimer!!, for this is a fic that can and will offend!  
  
My reasons for writing this is mainly because I am so sick and tired of the clichés found in Tekken fics. I shan't go into those clichés right now, and you'll likely catch onto them, in due time. Hopefully.  
  
Beware of four-letter words!  
  
THE BEST TEKKEN 4 FIC EVER!  
  
By Shadow Ivy  
  
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Tekken. Otherwise there'd be no Jin, Kazuya would not be turned into a one-dimensional baddie and have hooked up with Nina, Hwoarang would look more like a punker and smoke lots of pot, Nina would be a total badass dressed in black, Kuni would lose the mask, and people would remember that Julia does exist, and Paul would be hot.  
  
Also, by reading this disclaimer, you forfeit the right to flame me upon reading this. This fic will most likely offend fans. I am writing this because I have become so pissed off with a majority (note I did not say all, people!) fics--especially the ones that are all "Jin is good, and Kazuya is bad bad bad!" Tekken 4 can kiss my ass for that. Oh, and fans of the JinxXiaoyu pairing--you may not like this fic either. Of course, you read this disclaimer, so you have the chance to either turn back, or suffer the consequences. ^_^  
  
PROLOGUE: THINGS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE SET INTO MOTION!  
  
The blue hoodie-clad youth that every fangirl and their mothers knew as Jin Kazama(whether they were fortunate to know or not) was training furiously in a dojo in some place called "Australia". It had been a long and tiring flight for him from Mexico since the incident nearly a year ago, but he got to Aussie-land, and now he had to unlearn that evil evil Mishima karate style. After the betrayal by Heihachi, he was now determined to defeat Heihachi.... and Kazuya; despite the fact he knew jackshit about him. But since Kazuya was a Mishima, he was being bad bad bad! and had to be stopped at all costs.  
  
"I'll show those evil Mishimas! Then, I'll destroy myself so that the Mishima line will come to an end!" Jin declared. With that, he sent a heavy kick to the sandbag--  
  
--and broke his foot.  
  
"OWWWWIE!" he cried, clutching his foot as he hopped on the other. "Owwie owwie owwwieee! That really hurt!" Tears flowed down his face as if they were waterfalls, much like the ones seen in the animations from his native Japan. Suddenly, the door opened. Jin looked over his shoulder to see a tall young man, about sixteen years of age, step inside. He had short brown hair, though his bangs were long and in his face, though his crystal blue eyes were in plain sight. He wore a forest green button-down shirt and dress pants, accentuated by a blue trench coat. He carried a large metal briefcase in his right hand.  
  
The tall brunette pointed at Jin. "Make Inu!" And he left.  
  
"Uh...." Jin trailed.  
  
___________________________  
  
"Oh damnit!" Kazuya cursed as he tried to apply his red contact lenses to his eyes. "These are friggin' uncomfortable." He applied one lens into his left eye. He glanced at the other lens.  
  
"Screw this. I'm wearing the one lens. JUST the one." Kazuya closed the lens case and tossed it over his shoulder. He glanced in the mirror.  
  
"Hrm, not sure if this is a fashion statement I would want to go for." He glanced to his right, and reached out with his right arm, and grabbed a pair of sunglasses. He placed them onto his face.  
  
"Oh yeah. Now I am stylish." He turned to exit the bathroom, but instead walked right into the doorjamb.  
  
"Ow."  
  
Kazuya walked over to the kitchen for his routine morning tea. He reached into the cabinet and pulled out a box of Celestial Seasonings brand green tea, and another box, containing...  
  
Meow Mix.  
  
"Kat-zumi, breakfast!" Kazuya called. He expected to hear the little bell of his cat's collar, but instead, there was nothing. He raised a brow, and decided to search around the house for his missing cat.  
  
____________________________  
  
Craig Marduk was not having a good day.  
  
It was bad enough that he was caught up in a scandal, which he insisted that he had nothing to do with. After all, he was only trying to ask that woman for directions; how was he to know that she was a prostitute? To make matters worse, he wasn't allowed back into the Vale Tudo league. It was all he had, though!  
  
He sat on a stool in the bar, drinking his virgin Shirley Temple. Things would certainly pick up, he was certain? Yeah, tomorrow would be a good day. So, he stood up, turned around--  
  
--and tripped on his stool, causing him to fall.  
  
Fortunately, something crashed his fall.  
  
Unfortunately, it was someONE, and not someTHING.  
  
Even more unfortunately, that someone appeared to be dead.  
  
Craig looked down at who he had accidentally killed. The deceased was dressed in black slacks and a black button-down shirt. He wore a gray jaguar mask. What was noticeable was that one of the eyes was red and there was something of a scar mark about the red eye.  
  
Of course, nobody in the bar seemed to notice all of this. So Craig, in a timid chant of "oh dear oh dear oh dear", dragged the body out of the bar. He turned the corner, and noticed a dumpster.  
  
"Sorry Mr. Jaguar-mask person, but I don't have a shovel," he apologised in his timid voice. Suddenly, his eyes lit up. "I know! I'll BUY one!" He tossed the Jaguar-masked man into the dumpster. "I'll be back, just stay put!" And away he went.  
  
A few moments later, a muscular man dressed in cowboy clothing and also wearing a jaguar masked turned the opposite corner. He suddenly took notice at the arm which hung out of the dumpster.  
  
"Madre de dios!" King exclaimed in his native tongue, and ran to the dumpster. He reached inside, and was shocked at the sight that lay before him.  
  
"¡Rey De la Armadura! ¡Quién ha hecho esto a usted?!" He cried.  
  
"Uhhhh," Armour King moaned.  
  
King desperately tried to fight back the tears. Armour King still in his arms, he looked up to the starlit sky.  
  
"¡Juro en este día y en su sepulcro que tendré mi venganza para esto!"  
  
"I'm not dead," Armour King wheezed.  
  
"¡Rey De la Armadura! ¡Prometo que su muerte no estará en inútil!"  
  
"Dammit, I'm not dead!" Armour King exclaimed again, but to no avail. King promptly tossed his former mentor into the dumpster and stomped off on his quest for vengeance.  
  
Even if Armour King was not dead.  
  
_______________________________  
  
At a University, Julia looked up from her book on reforestation, removed her glasses, and proclaimed:  
  
"I'M SIGNIFICANT!"  
  
_______________________________  
  
Bryan Fury was displeased with what he had seen.  
  
"I am much too pale," he declared. "And this haircut, what WAS I thinking? I thought it looked good, but now...now I'm not so sure. And these scars and bulletholes...they're so Terminator!"  
  
He did not particularly like what he had seen in the mirror. Was it only two years ago when he thought that he was perfect just the way he was?  
  
Bryan turned his attention over to a tape player. The longer he stared at it, the angrier he became. He became so angry in fact, he curled his fists and smashed the tape player.  
  
"Self-help tapes my ASS," he growled. He then proceeded to smash the coffee table when the following ad appeared on the television, which was conveniently on soley as a plot device:  
  
"Tired of your appearance? Wishing you were someone else? Dr. Abel can make it happen! Just call 555-NEWU and leave the rest to him!"  
  
And that's when Bryan found his purpose.  
  
_________________________________  
  
"Fuck you, Jerry!" Nina shouted at the television, well aware that it was not capable of talking back to her. She was watching her childhood favourite cartoon, Tom and Jerry. Of course, the poor gray cat was being mercilessly abused bvy the little brown rodent, and Nina clearly disapproved of this.  
  
She grabbed the remote and turned off the television. "Now I remember why I hated that show. Cat abuse is fucking wrong. Anyone who abuses them ought to be kicked in the junk."  
  
There was a knock on the door.  
  
"Damn, that's probably Anna," Nina stated. "Now, where did I keep that bucket of rubber cement? Oh, the hell with it, I'll just pimp-slap her as I always do."  
  
Nina took a deep breath, placed a hand on the knob and swung the door open, her hand in the air, ready to strike. However, she suddenly realised that the person that stood before her was a young man.  
  
"Oh my!" Nina quickly lowered her arm. "I beg your pardon. I thought you were someone else. I don't get many visitors; if you're selling something to me, please be so kind as to step a little to your left..." Her right hand reached for a red button that was marked "THE PIT".  
  
"I'm not here to sell anything," the young man assured with his British accent.  
  
"Oh?" Nina's hand lowered itself away from the shiny red button.  
  
"I'm here because...you're my mother."  
  
*CLICK*  
  
The trap door opened, but of course the Englishman hadn't stepped to the left, so he didn't fall into the pit. But let me assure you that had he fallen, it would have been a very long fall, and there would most likely be a messy "splat" at the end of it.  
  
_______________________________  
  
Xiaoyu was talking to Panda. There's probably more to this scene, but who really gives a rat's ass?  
  
_______________________________  
  
Paul groggily stepped out of bed; it had been a long night. He rubbed his eyes as he slowly made his way to the bathroom. Today was going to be another uneventful day.  
  
He grabbed his mouthwash, took a swig, and rinsed as normal. He spit out the minty green liquid after thirty seconds, and then glanced into the mirror. His soft blue eyes widened.  
  
"Oh my God," he stated. "Kurt Cobain's soul is trapped in my body!"  
  
_______________________________  
  
"Yoshimitsu-sama!" A ninja of the Manji Clan persuasion approached the clan leader.  
  
"Tetsuoooooo!" Yoshimitsu exclaimed, adressing the ninja.  
  
"Stop that! I bear terrible news!"  
  
"Tetsuoooo! What is it?"  
  
"I said stop that! Our funds have reached dangerous levels! We will need to get some money if we are to attend StealthCon 2003!"  
  
"Yes," Yoshimitsu stated as he rested a thumb on the pad of his chin. "This is indeed a problem. I don't want that Solid Serpent or whoever he is to steal the show again like last year."  
  
"So...do you have a plan?"  
  
Yoshimitsu shrugged his shoulders. "We'll just bust into that Mishima place like we always do."  
  
"I'll gather the others." As he turned to take care of the task, he muttered to himself: "Why do I bother asking him what the plan is...we always break into the Mishima Zaibatsu..."  
  
_______________________________  
  
Speaking of whom....  
  
_______________________________  
  
"Of course!" Heihachi realised. "The reason the experiments have failed is because I need that dangnabbed Devil-Gene! Once I have that gene in my posession..." He suddenly burst out laughing.  
  
And that's about where Heihachi realised his purpose.  
  
_______________________________  
  
Marshall Law set down his bottle of cheap wine as Forest arrived home with a stack of papers.  
  
"Did you deliver all the menus?"  
  
"Daddy, I tried, but people kept slamming doors into my face!" Forest cried.  
  
Marshall sneered. "Is that the best excuse you could come up with? The least you could have done was throw them in some dumpster somewhere, and then lie to me about it!"  
  
"I did, but some guy in a jaguar mask threw them back at me!" Forest rubbed the back of his head. "He threw them too hard, and it hurt."  
  
Marshall tried his best to stand up, but the cheap wine made him tipsy and a tad lacking in the balance department.  
  
"If you hadn't snuck out to attend that damn Tekken thing, you wouldn't be forced to deliver my menus."  
  
"But I was kidnapped by Paul," Forest stammered.  
  
Marshall paid no attention to his son. "We shall go over the Mishima Zaibatsu and see if perhaps we can get the message out that 'Marshall China' is the best." Marshall tossed aside his beer bottle.  
  
"I knew I should have run away," Forest declared.  
  
_______________________________  
  
Lei Wulong refused to leave his hiding place, which happend to be the underside of his bed.  
  
Under no circumstances would he leave his spot. Unless...  
  
Suddenly, his phone rang. Beads of cold sweat collected on Lei's brow.  
  
should I answer that?  
  
Lei's shaking left hand slowly reached for his phone. He pressed a button, slowly placed the receiver to his ear and whispered a hoarse "Hello?"  
  
"Seven days."  
  
"STOP CALLING MEEEEE!" Lei hung up the phone and threw it from beneath the bed.  
  
______________________________  
  
Hwoarang snickered. What a lucky coincidence that the Hong Kong supercop had recently seen "The Ring"!  
  
______________________________  
  
Of course, there's still Christie, Lee, and Kuma invovled in this plot as well...but since this is just a prologue, they can wait until the next chapter.  
  
"I never get any respect," Christie declared in disappointment.  
  
"Well, maybe if you didn't show off your chest so much, perhaps you'd be taken more seriously," Kuma noted.  
  
"Yeah, but it's HOT over in Brazil; I have no choice!" She paused. "And since when did bears talk?"  
  
"You're currently suffering from a heat stroke, I'm afraid. I'm a hallucination," Kuma stated matter-of-factly.  
  
"Oh." Christie rested a hand on her curvacious hip. "Well, since you're here...wanna breakdance?"  
  
_____________________________  
  
And that was that. The players were cast in their roles, oh fuck that. We all know it's just a bunch of coincidences that will lead to one big mess. But it'll be a hell of a trip, eh? In the next episode, Kazuya goes on that fateful trip to the G-Corporation! You wouldn't want to miss that...and who knows when the tall man will show up again, eh? ^^  
  
Oh, and uh, Lee worked on Combot, or was macking on that secretary of his. Or both. I dunno.  
  
Notes: King will be speaking Spanish in this here ficcy. For added effect, and the thought that some of y'all will have no idea what he's saying is rather funny in itself. Of course, I used babel fish, so I doubt this is wholly accurate. ^^; Also, if you can guess who the tall man is, bonus points for you. Also, "Make Inu" means "Pathetic dog". Ha. Remember, if you read my disclaimer and are offended, you can't flame me! So nyah! 


	2. THE GCORPORATION INCIDENT

THE BEST TEKKEN 4 FIC EVER!  
  
By Shadow Ivy  
  
First off, I'd like to thank my readers for the wonderful praise for this endeavour. I hope you all won't be so offended by future episodes that you stop reading this entirely. But I do appreciate the praise and the demands for more episodes.can you believe I've been motivated to actually write this thing? It's quite interesting and even funny how motivation works. You see-  
  
Kazuya: would you get on with it already?  
  
Armour King: yes, get on with it! And I'm not dead!  
  
Fine.*ahem* DISCLAIMER: Just warning y'all once again.this fic is capable of offending people (and now that it's laden with double-entendres and euphemisms.well!!), and by reading this warning/disclaimer, you still forfeit the right to flame me-hey, you did get yourself into this mess, right? So read at your own risk, fool! Oh, and there will be a cameo appearance by a certain Kazama you all know and love! So perhaps you'll stick around?  
  
PART 1: THE G-CORPORATION INCIDENT (NOW WITH THOSE ANNOYING AUTHOR'S NOTES THAT APPEAR IN RANDOM PLACES DURING THE CHAPTER!!)  
  
Kazuya's search for his missing cat lead him to Nebraska. Why Nebraska, you probably didn't ask?  
  
CONVENIENT FLASHBACK SCENE BECAUSE THE WRITER WAS TOO LAZY TO INCLUDE THIS IN THE PREVIOUS EPISODE  
  
"My cat is missing!!" Kazuya exclaimed after searching the entirety of his house. With a sense of personal defeat, he slumped onto a couch. "It's official. My day is completely ruined."  
  
At that moment, a brick was hurled through his window.  
  
Kazuya ran to his window. "You son of a bitch! I spent all day yesterday cleaning these windows!" He shook his head, and eyed the brick. Kazuya glared at the brick for a few moments, then knelt down on one knee to gingerly pick it up. Attached to the brick was a white slip of paper with text written on it. Kazuya removed the note and it read:  
  
I'm going to kill you.  
  
"Oh my God! Someone's out to get me!"* Cried Kazuya as he waved the note around frantically. He took another look at the note. "Wait, this isn't even for me.the hell? Yoshimitsu. Huh. Wonder how that guy is doing?"  
  
MEANWHILE (for some reason despite the fact that this is a flashback)  
  
Yoshimitsu was trying on various outfits. Should he go with that spiffy hat (A/N: You know, the one from Tekken 2?)? Or the cyber ninja look? Maybe he should try that bug outfit that was collecting dust in that one corner of his closet, and let's not even start on which sword he should take.  
  
Kazuya flipped the note over. There was a fresh new note beneath it. "Ah. Hooray for recycling?" He shrugged. The note read:  
  
IF YOU WISH TO FIND YOUR ANSWERS, GO TO THIS ADDRESS-  
  
Kazuya glanced at the address. His cat.was in Nebraska!!  
  
(OKAY, ENOUGH OF THAT.)  
  
Kazuya stood in front of the building that the note lead him to. He glanced up and read the lit sign, "G-Corporation" (In which Kazuya stated: "I hope to God that the "G" isn't referring to something like "G-spot" or something.). He walked towards the building, but instead walked into a streetlamp.  
  
"Dammit!" Kazuya rubbed his face for a moment, and then realized he was still wearing his sunglasses, and we all know that wearing sunglasses at night is a rather redundant idea.  
  
Kazuya placed them into his pockets, and casually walked towards the building.  
  
Kazuya glanced through several papers. "Not a single one of these explain where my cat is! All of it is just genetics, and-" He held up a single file. " 'Devil Gene'? What the hell is this shit?" He tossed the file over his shoulder as he continued rummaging. "I swear, people come up with the dumbest things."  
  
After spending, oh, about an hour or so thumbing through files, Kazuya decided that Kat-zumi was not here that that this was a cruel prank.  
  
"This must be some cruel prank," Kazuya declared.  
  
I just wrote that.  
  
"Did you now?" Kazuya reached into his shirt and pulled out a transcript of "THE BEST TEKKEN 4 FIC EVAR" and flipped a few pages. He spent a moment reading, and then a look of realization came upon his face.  
  
He put the transcript away. "So it seems that you did." He cleared his throat, and folded his arms. "This has been a waste of my time. All I find is some garbage about the Devil Gene, and I don't think I need to explain how utterly stupid that is, as I'm not looking to make a cheap shot this time."  
  
Kazuya then punched a random wall, and was headed for the elevator when there was a sound of an explosion, followed by sounds of machinegun fire.  
  
Kazuya sighed, rolling his eyes. "You mean I'm NOT alone?"  
  
A man in a trench coat showed up. "No, for you see, we are not alone in this universe. The truth is out there-"  
  
Kazuya shoved the man aside. "Yeah okay, stuff it." He listened for the sounds. The machine gun fire was still continuing. He cracked his knuckles.  
  
"Ow!" He shook his hands. "Damn arthritis," he muttered as he reached into his pocket, pulled out his sunglasses, and headed for a flight of stairs.  
  
Ling Xiaoyu was in the computer lab, checking up on her e-mail. It had been a long day at school, dealing with math teachers and Miharu's teasing of Xiaoyu's not so secret crush on Jin Kazama; it was nice to just sit down and have a little free time.  
  
Her e-mail stated that she had a new message.  
  
"A new message?" Xiaoyu apparently didn't expect it, so she decided to have a look see. Deep down inside, she had hoped that maybe, MAYBE the message was from Jin.  
  
She went to her inbox. There was indeed a new message, in which the subject title read:  
  
CANDY WANTS TO BE NAUGHTY WITH YOU  
  
Delete.  
  
(What, you were expecting a penis enlargement joke? Very well then:)  
  
There was a new message. Xiaoyu went to her inbox, and found the following subject title:  
  
ENLARGE YOUR PENIS FOR CHEAP!  
  
Delete.  
  
(For fans of penis enlargement jokes, THERE.)  
  
Xiaoyu sighed. Same old school, same old friends, same old training, same old spam mail, day in and day out.  
  
She was about to call it a day and leave when she received another email. She rushed to the computer, and clicked on the inbox.  
  
BAD CREDIT? WE CAN HELP!  
  
Delete.  
  
Xiaoyu grabbed her book bag and was nearly out of the door when the new mail chime rung. Once again, she rushed to the computer, and clicked on the inbox.  
  
FREE MOVIE TICKETS  
  
Delete.  
  
Xiaoyu was once again headed for the door when once again the chime rung. Rush to computer, click on the inbox-  
  
YOUR VISA APPROVAL CONFIRMATION  
  
DELETE.  
  
In Korea, Hwoarang was relaxing in his own way; listening to some Guns n Roses. He glanced at the computer; not a spam mail in sight. He smirked; having all his spam mail forwarded to some other fool's inbox was the best idea he ever had to date.  
  
Kazuya peeked over a corner wall in the darkened building. Nobody was there. He let out a sigh of relief, but remembered that he shouldn't feel too relieved. The sounds of the gunfire was getting louder and louder (A/N Isn't it amazing that that machinegun fire has been going on since the last scene?).  
  
"Somebody stop this crazy thing!" One of the Tekkenshu cried as his machine gun was spraying bullets all over the place. None of the other Tekkenshu could get close to him, nor did they want to at risk of being shot. Fortunately, the machine gun ran out of ammunition, and the rest of the Tekkenshu arose from their hiding places.  
  
"I don't know why Johnson was allowed on this mission.he failed the machine gun test!"  
  
"Aw, never mind it, Willy."  
  
Willy sneered and approached one of the other Tekkenshu, who was sitting at a computer terminal (A/N: never mind that it was apparently spared from the uncontrollable gunfire. Hooray for convenient plot devices!). "Found anything, Dick?"  
  
A Tekkenshu wearing crimson armour nodded. "I certainly have. The things we came here for are on the next floor."  
  
"Great. All right, let's move out!" The Tekkenshu grabbed their guns (well, except for poor Johnson) and rushed towards the stairwell. Once they arrived at the location, they immediately began to ransack the place; emptying out file cabinets onto the floor, throwing floppy disks all over the place, knocking over pencil holders and spilling pencils all over the place-  
  
"HOLD IT!!" Johnson exclaimed. "What are you all doing?!"  
  
One of the Tekkenshu waved a little card. "We're leaving evidence that we were here!"  
  
"Idiot, that's not what we came here to do this time! We're here to seek out the items that Mishima-sama needed!  
  
"We know, but we were trained in ransacking as well as machine gun use, sir."  
  
Johnson shrugged his shoulders. "Whichever works, I suppose. So long as we find those items."  
  
"I just happened to get the exact location!" Willy exclaimed.  
  
"So where are they?" Johnson demanded.  
  
Willy pointed at a door that stood a few steps in front of them. Johnson nodded at Willy, then gestured at the Tekkenshu to follow his lead. They slowly approached the door, and Johnson was attempting to ever-so- cautiously open it when-  
  
WHAM!  
  
The door slammed open, knocking down a majority of the Tekkenshu. The Tekkenshu were quite puzzled at this and were even accusing poor Johnson of having missed out on proper door-opening classes, until they all looked up and saw the real reason.  
  
Kazuya Mishima stood in front of them. His sunglasses-adorned eyes faced his right, even though the Tekkenshu were right in front of him.  
  
"How dare you break the silence with your loud guns and obnoxious grenades? Kazuya exclaimed as he pointed at a computer. "I bet you kidnapped my cat! Well, now you're going to face the full extent of my anger!" He dashed towards the terminal and furiously punched at the poor machine.  
  
The Tekkenshu simply stood there dumbfounded.  
  
"Uh.who is this guy?" Dick asked.  
  
"Mishima-sama's son, Kazuya. I have been told that he's not quite right in the head," Willy explained.  
  
Johnson scratched his head (A/N: excuse me, helmet). "Why is he like that?"  
  
Willy shrugged his shoulders. "Apparently when he was young, he fell off of the edge of a cliff and bumped his head."  
  
"A cliff you say? But wouldn't that have killed him?" Dick pondered.  
  
"It wasn't a very big one. It was more like a steep hill."  
  
"So how did he fall?" Johnson inquired.  
  
"The hell if I know. Anyway, Mishima-sama told us he'd be here too. BUT, since he's preoccupied beating the poor terminal up, let's just get the items in that room and get out of here before Mishima-sama's crazy son here finishes beating that terminal up and realizing he was attacking the wrong target." The rest of the Tekkenshu nodded in agreement.  
  
Johnson winced. "Glad that's not us." The rest of the Tekkenshu nodded in agreement, and then followed Johnson's lead into the next room.  
  
Inside the room there were containers, lockers, and more computer terminals. The Tekkenshu spread out, searching every inch of the room in hopes of finding what they were assigned to find. Ah yes, and ransacking the place, naturally.  
  
"I found them!" exclaimed a Tekkenshu. The rest of the squad crowded around him.  
  
Johnson moved to the front of the crowd, and inspected the container. He gave a nod. "These are what we came for, alright. Okay, let's get these out of here before-"  
  
A smashed computer was thrown at the head of the Tekkenshu that made the discovery. The rest of the Tekkenshu looked over to see that Kazuya, sans sunglasses, stood before them.  
  
"You know, you guys could have told me that I left my sunglasses on," he snarled. "For allowing me to make an ass of myself, you will all feel the full force of my wrath!"  
  
The Tekkenshu all readied their weapons as Kazuya dashed towards them, and-  
  
THE FOLLOWING SCENE HAS BEEN DEEMED TOO VIOLENT FOR OUR MORE SENSITIVE READERS. INSTEAD HERE IS A SCENE OF PLEASANTNESS WITH FLOWERS, BECAUSE FLOWERS ARE PEACEFUL, RELAXING AND PLEASANT.  
  
Jun Kazama walked through a field of gorgeous flowers. There were several varieties that lay in what appeared to be columns upon columns of flowers.roses, daisies, pansies, morning glories, sunflowers, buttercups, tulips, daffodils, and violets-  
  
Violet looked up from his from his Combot project. "Me?" He pointed to himself.  
  
No not you, stupid. Get back to work on your crappy robot!  
  
Violet's face fell.  
  
Anyway, Jun walked through these aisles of wall-to-wall flowers. She smiled and slowly bent over to take a sniff of the sunflowers. Odd, she thought, there was no scent. She tried to take a whiff of the roses. No scent there, either. She then attempted to sniff every flower that was around her, and the more she attempted to sniff them the more frustrated and perplexed she became over why she wasn't able to smell their sweet nature-given scent.  
  
"Why don't these flowers have a scent?!" Jun demanded.  
  
"Because they're artificial, ma'am. Now, are you going to buy something, or are you going to just sniff plastic and cloth all day long?" An employee asked.  
  
Jun looked around at her surroundings. She wasn't in a field of scent-free flowers; she was at a Home and Garden store.  
  
"Well, fuck," she declared.  
  
WE NOW RETURN YOU TO YOUR REGULAR READING PROGRAM.  
  
The Tekkenshu were strewn throughout the room, which had been trashed during the fight: there were holes in walls (a few of which had Tekkenshu stuck in them), terminals were smashed (A/N: well, the ones that weren't already smashed from the ransacking), and there were dents in the lockers, slash marks on the containers, and empty bullet shells and broken glass on the floor. One Tekkenshu remained conscious, and he currently was at the mercy of Kazuya-and a .45 Magnum handgun that he grabbed at some point during the fight scene you didn't get to read (A/N; Yes, I am rubbing it in. NEENER!).  
  
"Talk!" Kazuya demanded. "Why did you guys let me make an ass of myself?"  
  
"Don't you want to know what we're doing here?" Johnson asked?  
  
"Are you asking to be pistol-whipped? Just answer my question!"  
  
"F-fine.we figured that since you were so busy beating the computers to a smashed pulp, we could enter here, get what Mishima-sama was seeking, and then leave before you were finished."  
  
Kazuya raised a brow upon hearing his last name. " 'Mishima'.as in Heihachi Mishima?"  
  
"The Heihachi Mishima in Osaka, the Heihachi Mishima in Akihabara, or the Heihachi Mishima of the Mishima Financial Empire?" Johnson asked.  
  
Kazuya spent a moment thinking which one he was referring to as he rested his thumb on his chin (A/N His gun was still pointed at the Tekkenshu, by the way.). "I think it's the Heihachi Mishima of the Mishima Financial Empire?"  
  
Johnson nodded. "Then that's the one."  
  
Kazuya then continued with his angry demeanor. "So talk! What is Heihachi after?"  
  
The Tekkenshu pointed at the one container that wasn't dented, blown up, slashed to pieces, etc. Kazuya raised a brow and slowly approached the container. His weapon still fixed upon the lone Tekkenshu. He slowly reached inside the container and pulled out an object.it had a strange, almost silky texture to it.  
  
Kazuya turned to face Johnson. "Just what is this I am holding anyway?"  
  
"The items we were assigned to retrieve for this mission: G-string underwear."  
  
Kazuya's jaw fell open with a mixture of shock, disgust, and horror. "G-G-G- STRINGS?!"  
  
"Of course. This is the G-Corporation, America's leading maker of G- strings."  
  
Kazuya began to go spastic. "Th-then what was all that crap I found about the Devil Gene?!"  
  
Johnson shrugged. "A failed attempt at a plot device is my guess."  
  
Kazuya took a moment to ponder this, and then nodded. "Well, your guess is probably the best one, and surely as good as mine." He glanced at the G- String, and threw it aside when he realized that he was still holding it. "So dad wanted some G-strings.please, please PLEASE tell me he's going to use it for a donation for the Skimpy Man-Slut Foundation or for something of the like."  
  
"Oh no, they're for his own personal use," Johnson told him flatly.  
  
Kazuya's shoulders fell as a long silence filled the room. A quick breeze (A/N: Don't ask me where it came from) blew past Kazuya. "Ahh, I think I just felt my last shot of ever being normal fly right out the window." (A/N: Ah, that explains that, then.) Kazuya was about to turn to walk away, when he realized something. "Hey, wait a minute.I thought dad was looking for this "Devil Gene" garbage."  
  
"Uh, are you sure?"  
  
Kazuya pulled out a script for "THE BEST TEKKEN 4 FIC EVAR: PROLOGUE". He flipped open the book and skimmed through several lines, his face lighting up (A/N: Metaphorically speaking) when he found the passage he was looking for. He handed Johnson the script.  
  
Johnson read the short Heihachi tidbit. "Oh hey, you're right." He handed the script back to Kazuya. "Well, Mishima-sama is.how shall I put this in a way that I won't get into trouble.?"  
  
"Senile?" Kazuya filled in.  
  
"Sure, we'll go with that. He DID name his pet bear "Bear" after all."  
  
"And let's not forget that in Tekken, there IS no consistency!" Kazuya stated.  
  
DISCLAIMER: KAZUYA'S OPINIONS DO NOT REFLECT THOSE OF NAMCO. HE WILL MOST LIKELY BE KILLED OFF FOR TEKKEN 5 FOR MAKING SUCH AN OUTRAGEOUS STATEMENT.  
  
"Yeah okay, we'll see about that, Namco," Kazuya muttered through clenched teeth, lowered the gun, and turned to walk away. He stopped for a moment, and then turned to face Johnson. "By the way, you haven't seen my cat, have you?"  
  
Johnson shrugged his shoulders and shook his head. "I haven't seen any cats around here."  
  
"Oh. Okay then." Kazuya turned around and headed for the door.  
  
"By the way, your contact lens is missing."  
  
"My what?" Kazuya looked for a reflective surface, and when he found one he quickly examined his eyes in the mirror. "AW, Son of a BITCH!" He ran up to Johnson and punched him right in the head, knocking him out. "These things are expensive to replace!!"  
  
Kazuya left the G-Corporation, his mission a failure. "So why did that note tell me to go here? In the middle of." He shuddered. "America? Why couldn't I go to Mexico or even Canada or even.urk.France or something?"  
  
A man suddenly appeared as if nowhere.  
  
"You fool!" the man exclaimed. "The Devil Gene is the reason you were brought here! You were supposed to realize that you need to empower your Devil Gene by finding your son Jin Kazama and taking his, thus uniting yourself with your devil self and becoming more powerful!!"  
  
Kazuya was silent for a few moments. He crossed his arms, his right hand pointing at the man. "And they, uh, pay you a lot of money to come up with this?"  
  
The man nodded. "My children can attend good schools thanks to this script."  
  
Kazuya shook his head. "No, NO; I won't make a cheap shot based on that." As he was suddenly reconsidering that statement, King stormed by Kazuya.  
  
"This MARDUK person shall pay for your murder, Armour King!"  
  
Not understanding Spanish, Kazuya looked on in puzzlement. Following the masked wrestler was another masked wrestler that appeared to be like King, except he wore armour, and was continuously raving about how he wasn't dead. There were various pieces of garbage stuck onto his armour, including a script for "TEKKEN 4 STORLYINE: GOOD VERSION" stuck onto one of the spikes on his shoulder pads.  
  
"Oh well, there's your cheap shot for this episode, ladies and gentlemen," Kazuya declared as he casually shrugged his shoulders. "Have a good night everybody!"  
  
What will happen next? Will Kazuya seek out this Devil Gene? Is that British guy (if you didn't know that was Steve Fox, then who did you think he was? DEAN EARWICKER, perhaps? I wish) really Nina Williams' kid? Will Xiaoyu and Jin Kazama get together? Will Lei Wulong ever get out from under the bed? What is up with Heihachi's love for G-strings? Will Jin Kazama get a deserved beating? Who is the tall man? Is Paul Phoenix better suited for a music career? Will Law's restaurant, Marshall China, get the recognition they deserve, and do they deliver? I hear they make really good pepper steak, despite the fact that one whiner said it was too damn spicy. I really like pepper steak. It's quite tasty, though I prefer it with white rice rather than fried rice-  
  
Kazuya: Get on with it!  
  
Nina: Yes, get on with it!  
  
Julia: Get on with it already!  
  
Paul (as he practices on a guitar): Just get on with it, for chrissakes!  
  
Marshall: THANK YOU, I'm glad someone wants to try the pepper steak; it's not-  
  
Mrs. Law: Just get on with it!!  
  
-All this, and more will be revealed in Part 2: The (uh) Plot Attempts to go Somewhere (Now WITHOUT those annoying author's notes found in random places throughout the episode!) (A/N: But I like doing those!).  
  
*Bonus points if you figured out what the note scene was referring to. Inside jokes rule! 


End file.
